Tonight I sat on my bed and cried. The pain cut right through me and I ached. I know you have experienced this. This utter dislike with life, this cry out for some mercy. I felt my body pleading for relief of this pain. As I sat there crying, I thought, “what if I just embrace my struggles and not fight them. What if I accepted myself for who I am in all this?” Sounds simple right?
Suddenly in an instant I stopped crying and I realized that I can choose to embrace this moment to embrace this pain, to just let it run through me and open me up. This is the only way to receive in these moments in fact this is the BEST time to receive some powerful healing and wisdom.
It occurred to me that my pain was just like a beautiful rainy day. There is a place for sunny warm days where you run yourself ragged feeling like you should conquer the world and “enjoy life to the fullest.” Then there are those rainy days that sort of stop you in your tracks.
Many people run around in those rainy drab days, still rushing, still trying to not let the rain stop them, but by then end of it they are soaked in their nice clothes, hair wrecked, umbrella mishaps, traffic slower than normal and just frustrated that it slowed them down.
I happen to love rainy days and I know amber does too. We’ve talked before how rainy days slow things down to a point that allow you to just be, be without pressure. So it occurred to me that the pain was just some beautiful rain and I guess in a way it literally was a downpour… my own tears.
The pain slows down time and slows you, it allows you to see things at a distance, it gives you the choice to embrace the healing powers of letting things wash over you or you can choose to try to rush through it and miss it.
I also noticed once I surrendered to the suffering, I became highly sensitive to others and to the small things. I heard an old favorite song in the car on the way to the store and it gave me such joy. I danced and sung my butt off, well as much as I could while driving.
Then I saw an old lady trying to pick out an avocado, she mumbled to herself, “these are all too ripe.” Normally I wouldn’t involve myself. But at this moment, on my slow rainy day, I heard her and simply went up and found her a nice avocado and handed it to her as I said, “here this one is good.” I mean this isn’t some enlightening nirvana moment, but this is what pain CAN do for us if we let it.
I have always gone back to this idea that I should reach a point where I don’t struggle at all. I hoped for a time where I had it all figured out and just always happy and content. I’m starting to realize that life is neither solely about happiness nor the struggle. It’s about the sunny days and the rainy days and all the other weather in between. All of which serve their purpose and pacing us and inviting us to open up in different ways.
It has invited me to return to a place I feel like myself, where the child in me can be creative and in the moment. So as the rain falls and my tears come and go, I’ll go back to what I remember always doing as a child: getting lost writing in my diary, reading, painting, singing and doing all things creative.
I also plan to make something for an old man, my neighbor. I’m torn though, should I make him some cookies or something healthier like a nice meal, he is like almost 80 after all perhaps he shouldn’t eat a bunch of sugar haha!
Summing up…when you hit the low of lows and you can barely get through, consider this:
1. Try to release the idea that life is about being happy all the time and that pain should be avoided. Meditation helps.
2. Remember what makes you feel like yourself again. What kept you busy for hours when you were a kid? Go back to that.
3. Think of someone or just notice someone who you can assist. Doesn’t have to be a big thing. Listen and give yourself to them in a way they may need.
What have you surrendered to or embraced lately? Let us know with your comment below.
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